> "The purpose is to create the quality of connection with self and the other which inspires natural giving and receiving." > – Marshall Rosenberg > Nonviolent communication is a practice of empathic co-creation of the world. It is a paradigm shift from power-over to power-with > – Yuri Haas and Sandra Caselato > NVC is space, rhythm and kindness. > – David Weinstock > If you want to live in absolute hell, believe that you are responsible for what other people feel. > – Marshall Rosenberg >The only reason anyone would ever say no to a request to contribute to our needs is that they are saying yes to meeting their own needs. ^[Rau, Ted J. Many Voices One Song: Shared Power With Sociocracy . Sociocracy For All. Kindle Edition.] --- # History Nonviolent Communication was developed by Carl Rogers in the 1960s while he was offering training in mediation and communication skills to communities working towards desegregation in schools and other institutions. He was a student of Carl Rogers from 1957 to 1963 at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In the 1980s, he founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication, to coordinate the teaching of NVC around the world.[^1] We all come to the table with different needs. Feelings are the signposts guiding us to our needs. Positive feelings are the result of needs that have been met. Negative feelings are the result of needs that have not been met. By being open about our feelings and their connections to our needs, we meet each other as equals and we co-create a reality where information is shared for the purpose of meeting everyone's needs. Creating intentional pauses in our relationships help us to establish a shared reality in which we consider everyone's needs. We adopt different strategies in order to meet our needs. Feedback helps us change or refine strategies that aren't working. But feedback only works if there is no blame attached to it, and the person is ready for it. --- This is a great intro to NVC by Bridget Belgrave: <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XLSZZHKYiEc" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe> - Needs are what allow us to keep going - NVC is a way of getting willing co-operation --- Kit Miller: > NVC is an awareness discipline masquerading as a communication process. Love this quote. Mentioned by Miki Kashtan in a conversation with Roxy Manning about whether to keep the OFNR (observation, feelings, needs, requests) formal structure. She agrees with what Fabiola says, which is that OFNR helps us navigate really difficult situations. Fabiola used the metaphor of a raging river. Miki uses a steep mountain. In difficult situations, the formal guidelines of NVC can be like a life raft or a guardrail. OFNR doesn't work in normal conversations. But when things get rough, we can tell people that we will start using language that sounds stilted, and that this is preferable to the alternative where escalation of the conflict might happen. --- Observation “The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence” – Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti --- Definition of Needs Marshall defines needs in his pamphlet "We Can Work It Out": **"Needs, as I use the term, can be thought of as resources that life requires in order to sustain itself.** For example, our physical well-being depends on our needs for air, water, rest, and food being fulfilled. Our psychological and spiritual well-being is enhanced when our needs for understanding, support, honesty, and meaning are fulfilled. **According to this definition** needs regardless of our gender, etc. **all human beings have the same needs**. What differs from person to person is a strategy for fulfilling needs." --- It's important to understand that Rosenberg felt the need to address systems and institutions: > “If I use empathy to liberate people to be less depressed, to get along better with their family, and at the same time not inspire them to use their energy to rapidly transform systems in the world, then I am part of the problem. I am essentially calming people down, making them happier to live in the systems as they are, and I am using empathy as a narcotic.”  ― Marshall B. Rosenberg --- [[Classical vs Street NVC]] --- Apparently Marshall Rosenberg referenced Ellis and Korzybski as people who described the Jackal pattern of language (thanks to NVC book club chat): - [Ellis 1975 - A new guide to rational living](zotero://select/items/1_I8LGURCX) - [Korzybski 2005 - Science and sanity: an introduction to non-Aristotelian systems and general semantics](zotero://select/items/1_KPPL3R7S) [^1]: https://adpca.org/article/17_1-2/nonviolent-communication-tools-and-talking-points-for-practicing-the-person-centered-approach/ # Quotes “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.” “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.”