This story appeared in David Weinstock's *Becoming What You Need*: > Here is an old Kabbalistic wisdom story I first heard told by Rabbi David Cooper that offers insights to gratitude and graciousness. Graciousness welcomes you at the door and lets you know when it is time to leave. It is an intuitive “felt quality” that is experienced by others as genuine in a way that honors all—and is possessed by true leaders. > > In the 18th century, there lived a couple in St. Petersburg who were about to be married. Just before the wedding, the bridegroom was kidnapped and held for ransom—10,000 rubles—an extremely large sum of money at the time, and especially for this couple, who were quite poor. In those days, such kidnappings were not uncommon. The police and military frequently took into custody or kidnapped Jews and held them for ransom. > > Jewish law directed that the community do anything needed in order to save a Jewish life, even if it meant selling their most sacred scrolls. The family of the bridegroom approached the elders of the community—three Rabbis who became well known in time—Rabbis Zalman, Yitzhak, and Mendel. For such a large sum of money, not much could be done. The only person with that kind of money was Ze’ev, but they argued that he was such a miser that he would never help. He never contributed money to anything—ever. > > Rabbi Zalman believed he could be successful talking to Ze’ev. The other two thought he was crazy and tried to dissuade him, but he would have none of that. He said he was going and began to leave when the other two Rabbis said they would accompany him because Ze’ev lived on the rough side of town. Rabbi Zal- man agreed on the condition that the other two would not interfere and would remain quiet. > > When they arrived, Ze’ev met them at the door, surprised but honored to find these three distinguished men at his home. A little suspicious, he welcomed them in and offered tea. After some pleasantries, Rabbi Zalman began to tell the sad story of the abduction of the young man, who was an orphan with no real family, a hard life, and who, just one week before the wedding, had been taken by the police on fake charges and would not be freed unless they were given the 10,000 ruble ransom. > > As Rabbi Zalman told the story, the other rabbis silently watched tears well up in Ze’ev’s eyes. When he finished, Ze’ev said: “Such a travesty. I am deeply moved to help.” He reached deep into his pockets, into regions that had not seen the light of day for many years, and pulled out one very old, dirty, rusty kopek. He handed this tiny sum to Rabbi Zalman, who exclaimed: “Thank you so much. Blessings on you and your family and all you do. May God shine his light on your business and health. Thank you.” He went on and on, praising with abundant gratitude. > > The two other rabbis, who promised to keep their mouths shut, watched in disbelief the high praise over such a paltry contribution. > > As the three rabbis prepared to leave, Ze’ev asked them to wait. He said, “You have touched me so much with this story, I feel that I must give you more.” He reached deep into his other pocket, into another place untouched for a very long time, and pulled out one more very small, rusty, old copper kopeck. A new round of praises and blessings that lasted another 10 minutes followed this. Finally, out on the street, walking away from the house. Rabbi Yitzhak said: “What a waste of time! We just spent an hour for two lousy kopeks!” > > “Hush,” whispered Rabbi Zalman. > > When they were about a hundred feet from the house, the front door opened and Ze’ev called out, “Rabbis, come back.” > > Ze’ev was waving a 5-ruble note. Rabbi Zalman received this with much appreciation. A few minutes later, Ze’ev donated 50 rubles, and soon after, another five hundred, and then one thousand. Finally, he wrote out a check for the full amount of 10,000 rubles. > > Walking away, the two rabbis were stunned and asked, “What just happened?” and “How did you know he would give so much?” > > Rabbi Zalman replied: “Our hearts’ walls can shield our hearts, which keeps things from getting in, but also from getting out. There is no way to remove the heart’s protection all at once. First you must find the tiniest crack, and then each small opening of generosity and gratitude makes way for another. The notion of slowly dismantling such barriers is the key to all success, to deep learning, for work, for relationships, for love, as well as charity. Each good deed builds a capacity to do more. The greatest accomplishments often begin with something very small, like a copper kopeck. Let yourself learn slowly, widening the crack until at some point you will be able to pass through the opening easily.” > > The story of the dirty penny is a metaphor for attaining greater awareness. In order to do so we must find a way to make a crack in our own barriers so the light of awareness can shine through. The story suggests that we open to ourselves one step at a time. Eventually this crack in the dam reveals a great reservoir available to us, once we remove our finger from the crack in the dam of self-identity. If we have the qualities to do so, we will be flooded in light. I refer to the same qualities of presence that allow you to “get out of your own way” in order for empathy to occur. > > To develop the muscles for gratitude, start small, and as with any learning process, build it slowly. Breathe in, and just appreciate the air passing through your lungs and how good it feels, then breathe out, too. > > Appreciation of life as a regular practice can change everything: the people we meet, the work we do, as well as bringing more joy to our intimate relationships. Starting today, how would it be to begin a new relationship in which you give gratitude for everything your body does for you? Forgetting to appreciate this and instead judging and even feeling ashamed of our bodies is a form of selfabuse. Regardless, our bodies love us unconditionally. Every time you eat, bathe, walk, sing, love another, or sleep can be a moment of gratitude. This practice would surely change everything and be a powerful building block for all relationships.