## Metadata - Author: [[Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley]] - Full Title: Final Gifts - Category: #books ## Highlights - Rather than dying on a continuum, can this person be helped to live until he or she dies? ([Location 113](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=113)) - Of course, in any terminal illness, there is much that can only be tempered—the speed and intensity with which the disease progresses, the degree of physical deterioration, the number and severity of symptoms. To balance against the perception that their bodies are out of control, hospice encourages patients to control their own medications, treatments, even site of death—and in maintaining some control, get the most out of the time left to them. ([Location 375](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=375)) - Sometimes mucus gathers in the mouth, throat, or lungs, and air flowing past it makes a rattling noise. This doesn’t necessarily mean the person is having difficulty breathing. Turning the patient onto his side often reduces the rattling. ([Location 481](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=481)) - It’s common, initially, for the family to greet the hospice nurse with a warning: “Don’t say anything to her about dying. She doesn’t know and she couldn’t handle it!” Moments later, the patient tells the nurse privately: “Don’t say anything to my family about my dying. They don’t know and they couldn’t handle it!” With support and encouragement both patient and family can end this compassionate conspiracy and move on to honest, open communication. ([Location 871](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=871)) - I explained that fear of addiction is common. Some people become addicted by misusing pain medicines and tranquilizers. However, addiction is the result of using medications for physical and psychological needs. When medication is used properly for physical needs, addiction is usually not a problem. Physical tolerance can occur with a medication used over time, but is easily handled by increasing the dose to maintain comfort. ([Location 891](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=891)) - The dying often use the metaphor of travel to alert those around them that it is time for them to die. They also have a deep concern about the welfare of those they love, asking themselves, “Do they understand? Are they ready? Are they going to be all right?” It seems dying people need permission to die. If given, that permission provides great relief; its absence can make the dying process more difficult and lengthy. The dying intuitively know when—and often why—this permission is being withheld, by the behavior of those around them. This withholding indicates that those they love don’t understand their struggle, nor are they prepared emotionally to deal with the finality of their leaving. ([Location 930](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005UDIC3E&location=930))