## Metadata - Author: [[Pema Chodron]] - Full Title: Start Where You Are - Category: #books ## Highlights - “Good and bad, happy and sad, all thoughts vanish into emptiness like the imprint of a bird in the sky.” ([Location 444](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=444)) - Being a child of illusion also has to do with beginning to encourage yourself not to be a walking battleground. We have such strong feelings of good and evil, right and wrong. We also feel that parts of ourselves are bad or evil and parts of ourselves are good and wholesome. All these pairs of opposites—happy and sad, victory and defeat, loss and gain—are at war with each other. The truth is that good and bad coexist; sour and sweet coexist. They aren’t really opposed to each other. We could start to open our eyes and our hearts to that deep way of perceiving, like moving into a whole new dimension of experience: becoming a child of illusion. ([Location 453](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=453)) - We generally interpret the world so heavily in terms of good and bad, happy and sad, nice and not nice that the world doesn’t get a chance to speak for itself. When we say, “Be a child of illusion,” we’re beginning to get at this fresh way of looking when we’re not caught in our hope and fear. We become mindful, awake, and gentle with our hope and fear. We see them clearly with less bias, less judgment, less sense of a heavy trip. When this happens, the world will speak for itself. ([Location 470](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=470)) - In terms of “Three objects, three poisons, and three seeds of virtue,” when these poisons arise, the instruction is to drop the story line, which means—instead of acting out or repressing—use the situation as an opportunity to feel your heart, to feel the wound. Use it as an opportunity to touch that soft spot. Underneath all that craving or aversion or jealousy or feeling wretched about yourself, underneath all that hopelessness and despair and depression, there’s something extremely soft, which is called bodhichitta. ([Location 573](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=573)) - You’re continually meeting your match. You’re always coming into a challenge, coming up against your edge. There’s no way that someone else can tell you exactly what to do, because you’re the only one who knows where it’s torturing you, where your relationship with Juan or Juanita is getting into your guts. Others don’t know. They don’t know when you need to be more gentle, when you need to be more clear, when you need to be quiet, and when you need to speak. No one else knows what it takes for another person to open the door. For some people, speaking out is opening the door a little wider; for other people, being still is opening the door a little wider. It all has to do with what your ancient habitual reaction is to being in a tight spot and what is going to soften the whole thing and cause you to have a change of attitude. ([Location 949](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=949)) - A meditation student I was working with whom I’ll call Dan had a serious alcohol and drug problem. He was really making great strides, and then he went on a binge. On the day I found out about it I happened to have an opportunity to see Trungpa Rinpoche. I blurted out to him how upset I was that Dan had gone on a binge. I was so disappointed. Well, Rinpoche got really angry; it completely stopped my heart and mind. He said that being upset about Dan’s binge was my problem. “You should never have expectations for other people. Just be kind to them,” he told me. In terms of Dan, I should just help him keep walking forward inch by inch and be kind to him—invite him for dinner, give him little gifts, and do anything to bring some happiness to his life—instead of having these big goals for him. He said that setting goals for others can be aggressive—really wanting a success story for ourselves. When we do this to others, we are asking them to live up to our ideals. Instead, we should just be kind. ([Location 973](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BPE414Q&location=973))