> [!summary] Progressive Summary # Structured Notes ## Definitions ## Chapter Summaries ### Chapter 11 - Conflict Resolution and Mediation > With NVC, we’re trying to live a different value system while we are asking for things to change. What’s most important is that every connection along the line mirrors the kind of world we’re trying to create. Each step needs to reflect energetically what we’re after, which is a holographic image of the quality of relationships we’re trying to create. In short, how we ask for change reflects the value system we’re trying to support. When we see the difference between these two objectives, we consciously refrain from trying to get a person to do what we want. Instead we work to create that quality of mutual concern and respect where each party thinks their own needs matter and they are conscious that their needs and the other person’s well-being are interdependent. > Fundamentally, needs are the resources life requires to sustain itself. We all have physical needs: air, water, food, rest. And we have psychological needs such as understanding, support, honesty, and meaning. I believe that all people basically have the same needs regardless of nationality, religion, gender, income, education, etc. > In order not to confuse needs and strategies, it is important to recall that needs contain no reference to anybody taking any particular action. On the other hand, strategies, which may appear in the form of requests, desires, wants, and “solutions,” refer to specific actions that specific people may take. > The more experience I have gained in mediating conflicts over the years and the more I’ve seen what leads families to argue and nations to go to war, the more convinced I am that most schoolchildren could solve these conflicts. If we  could just say, “Here are the needs of both sides. Here are the resources. What  can be done to meet these needs?,” conflicts would be easily resolved. But instead, our thinking is focused on dehumanizing one another with labels and  judgments until even the simplest of conflicts becomes very difficult to solve. **scarcity plus right-wrong thinking lead to violence** > Unless we make sure that both sides are aware of their own as well as each other’s needs, it will be hard for us to succeed when we stick our nose in other people’s business. We are likely to get caught up in scarcity thinking—seeing only the importance of our own needs being met. When scarcity thinking then gets mixed with right-and-wrong thinking, any of us can become militant and violent, and blinded to even the most obvious solutions. At that point, the conflict seems unresolvable—and it will be if we don’t connect with the other person by first offering empathy without focusing on our own needs. ### Chapter 12 - The Protective Use of Force # Quotes